One wish and one wish only, what would it be? As I was driving today I got started thinking about that question and I came up with an answer. There is someone in my life that I would rather see happy more than anything in this world!!!! If I could have one wish it would be for her to be the happiest girl in the world and have all her dreams come true!!!! If I could play a part in that wish it would be that I could make her the happiest girl in the world and make her world better than it has ever been!!!!!

This is the only person I have ever had in my life that I have wanted to be happy this bad!!!! It really is crazy. Ive never really went to bed and woke up thinking about ONE person. Day in and day out it is the same thing. I wake up thinking about her, spend most of my day thinking about her, and go to bed doing the same thing!!!! kinda crazy, huh? If you can explain it you are a better man/women than I am!!!! Ive never been this bad!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe that's ok, is it? Everyone seems to say im just wasting my time and waiting on nothing but that doesnt seem to change things!!! Ive never cared this much about anyone or anything!!!!!!!!!! It doesnt make sense at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didnt use to be the type of guy who ever cared about anything!!! what's wrong with me these days??? Im not saying that it's bad but im not use to it and gets me confussed. At times i think to myself, "what am I doing" becasue at times i dont know. Yea, ive been in tons of relationships over the years but over the years I was the farthest thing from a Christian as a man could get. and when i say that I dont know what im doing I am more or less saying that from Chrisitan point of view. That may not make sense, so let me explain.

No, I am not "dating" anyone right now. but, however, I am talking about someone I dated not long ago and well, I think things will work out agian. I am hoping and praying anyway. I remember when we started dating and I would think to myself, "im not sure what to do. do i hold her hand, do i kiss her, what??" I honestly did not know. Always before in a relationship I knew what to do because everything was physical. At least that was the approach I had always taken. This was my first relationship that I had ever tried to approach from a Christian perspective. Trust me, when you use to live your life the way I had been doing it is totally different!!! For once, I was thinking about making out all the time or wanting to have sex or anything like that. I simply wanted to be in her presense. you see, it is totally different. Im not sure people really understand me when I say that though. It is hard to explain but anyone comming from my past would understand.

Now, I look at life and the relationship that I want so bad and I dont seem to be thinking about sex or anything else. I dont see anything wrong with kissing or anything else but it's different now. it really is!!!! Ive never had feelings like this. i have NEVER been willing wait this long for anything!!!! You see, that is where my wish that I talked about at the beging comes in to play. I just want to make her the happiest girl in the world and make her world better than it has EVER been!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

--Richard Ben